What Happens When We Don’t Address Fears in Motherhood
Fears in motherhood are common, but this doesn’t mean you need to live in motherhood scared. Knowing that you’re not alone in the struggle helps, but you also need to address these fears.
If you don’t address fears in motherhood, these can grow and become bigger. My intention with this post is not to scare you but to help you see the consequences of dismissing fears as normal and move on.
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First, keep in mind that fear in motherhood is a common emotion that, like all others, needs to be felt and released. Yet, in this society, we’re told to look for distractions and find coping mechanisms. The problem with fear is that it is the hardest emotion to sit with because we let this emotion control our body and brain, and we validate it with scary thoughts, which are uncomfortable and put us on edge.
If fears in motherhood get to the point of affecting your quality of life, then it’s time to address them. If you don’t, fear will take root in your conscious and subconscious mind, prevent you from being in the present, and even push you toward the decisions that can negatively impact you and your family. Please keep this in mind: Any decision made in fear is the wrong decision.
This happens when we don’t address fears in motherhood: Anxiety
Here, I’m talking about chronic anxiety. Fear is not anxiety. Fear is that primordial emotion you feel in a dangerous animal's presence in the jungle. Anxiety is the product of our society because it’s rarely about life or death situations. Most of the time, it’s about worst-case scenarios that we build in our heads. I have been through postpartum depression and anxiety, so believe me, I know many of these fictitious scenarios. They’re not real, but your mind convinces you they are.
This happens when we don’t address fears in motherhood: Mom guilt
Mom guilt is probably the most talked about challenge in motherhood. But why is it a product of fear? That’s because when you live with chronic anxiety, your mind is always somewhere else, so you can’t be present with your kids. When you’re alone with yourself and think about the moments with your kids, anxiety is always present, and guilt starts to creep in because you feel you can’t enjoy motherhood. Mom guilt is not always connected with fear, but this is an example of how the two are related.
This happens when we don’t address fears in motherhood: Mom shame
The mom shame issue ties in with the mom guilt I discussed above. The emotion of shame goes much deeper than guilt, though. The chronic anxiety can easily cause guilt but also shame, especially if this emotion has been part of your life before for different reasons, many of which come from the way you were raised. The fear amplifies the shame. In addition to this, there’s often the fear of judgment from other moms, which causes even more shame.
This happens when we don’t address fears in motherhood: Mom grief
The emotion of grief is not directly tied to fear, but it can result from all that I mentioned above. Feeling chronic anxiety, paired with guilt and shame, may bring a deep sense of grief, which, like a blanket, can cover your whole motherhood journey. Grief is a deep emotion that resides in the heart space. It’s not “loud” as fear. It’s more subtle and harder to address. If chronic anxiety, mom guilt, and shame are behind grief, then it’s good to address those. Mom grief is not always connected with fear, so it’s important to understand the cause before addressing it.
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